Chapter 115 A different world

Chapter 116 A Different World

"I... never like killing people." After a short silence, I walked to the window, looked at the quiet moon outside, and said with a little confusion. "I never like killing people, but I have to do it because it is the only way for me to survive."

"..What?" Although his back was facing Conan, I could clearly feel the look of astonishment on his face.

"Kudo, do you know what the first thing I did after I entered that organization?" I turned around and looked at Conan. Without waiting for him to speak, I continued. "It was a dark room filled with the sound of children crying. Ten children of similar age, a key, a blood-red lamp, and a cold dagger, that's all." As I said, I took out my SAS from my arms and handed it to Conan. "Kill the remaining nine children and walk out of the room. That was my first mission. If I didn't do it, maybe my body would have been cold for ten years."

Looking at the dagger I handed over, the originally purple blade had already turned a layer of scarlet, and Conan's hands trembled slightly when he saw it.

"After that, it was constant training, endless tasks. If I couldn't do it, I would die. If I didn't train, I would die. If I didn't kill people, then I would be killed by others. In order to survive, I had no choice." I looked at Conan coldly, but at this time he lowered his head, and I didn't know what was in his mind.

"Even so..." Conan said with some trembling. "Even so, I cannot agree with killing people. Killing people is a heinous crime. Everyone has the right to live and human rights. No one can deprive others of their lives at will!"

"Haha! Human rights? You're talking to me about human rights?" I felt like I had heard the funniest joke in the world. "Okay, tell me, who is responsible for whose human rights? The government versus the civilians? Okay, then let me ask you, who is responsible for my human rights? Who is responsible for my childhood! And who is responsible for my scars!!!"

I roared in anger and tore open the pajamas that had been untied for a long time. In front of Conan, he saw not the tender skin of a child, nor the exaggerated muscles developed by years of training, but the shocking and terrifying scars. Knife wounds, gunshot wounds, abrasions, scratches, burns. Scars of all sizes covered the entire body of the child in front of him.

"Conan, Xiaoxun, what are you doing? Why are you so loud?" Xiaolan called out from downstairs in confusion. Did I just shout too loudly? Haha... I lost my composure.

"Ah, it's nothing, Xiaolan, Conan is trying to snatch Kamen Rider from me." I shouted downstairs, and took back the SAS from the shocked Conan. I turned around and picked up the clothes I had just thrown on the ground. As I turned around, a dragon-like scar appeared in Conan's eyes.

"Conan, Xiaoxun just came to our house, don't bully him. It's getting late, you two should go to bed early." Xiaolan shouted worriedly.

"Hi~~~" I answered downstairs in a long voice. Fortunately, Xiaolan didn't come up, otherwise I would be covered with scars... Turning around, I put on my pajamas again and continued to say to Conan, "Kudo, you are a person full of justice, but this world is far from as simple as you think. What you see, hear and know is only a part of the light of the world, and what I touch is the dark side of this world. Maybe you can't tolerate what I did, but in order to survive, for my family to survive, I have never regretted it. Maybe all this is the arrangement of fate." With a dim look, I walked to the window again, looking at the bright moon outside, and my heart drifted away.

————The scent of orchids, the scent of lavender, the scent of home & the wings of angels, the wings of demons, the wings of guardians————

At night, because of Xiaolan's repeated warnings, Conan and I, who were still confronting each other, had to turn off the lights and lie down in our respective beds. Because there was no bed in the room, the two of us could only sleep on the tatami. However, I couldn't fall asleep even though I had already lain down, and I believe Conan was the same. Time passed by minute by minute, and finally, a small sound came from the room.

"Hey, Xun. Tell me...about your time in the organization."

"Huh? What? The great detective is interested again?" I asked in a teasing tone.

"No, I just want to know more about you."

"Eh?"

"Through the conversation I just had with you, I thought a lot. Perhaps the idea that criminals must be sent to prison to atone for their sins is not necessarily correct, because I have never thought about the stories behind them, and I don't know how many people like you there are, but I still stand firm in my belief."

"...so what?"

"So, I want to understand you, understand the areas of this world that you said I don't know. And then redefine my justice." Conan sat up and looked at me intently. Although the light in the room was dim, I had good night vision and could see the expression on his face clearly, firm, serious, and perhaps a little bit of worry and sadness.

"Huh...Okay, what do you want to hear?" I crossed my hands behind my head, let out a long breath, and asked Conan.

"Well, let's start from the time you joined the organization." Conan thought for a moment and said to me seriously.

"Yeah." I sorted out my thoughts and began to organize my words. "After completing the first mission of the organization, I was assigned to a room. Four people in one room. But I left the room very quickly.

"why?"

"Because unfortunately, I killed someone."

"what?!"

"IceWine. It's the name of the official member I killed. So I replaced him and got his code name." I said indifferently.

"Is this a voluntary murder on your part?" Conan's voice trembled a little.

"Well... I guess so. You have to know, in that kind of environment..." Having said that, I smiled aimlessly.

"Yeah... That's right, after all, I have no memory of that time. Everything is a matter of self-protection." Conan smiled miserably. Then he continued. "What happened after you got the code name?"

"After that, I was assigned to a single room, which was a formal member's house with my own dedicated subordinates."

"You have subordinates?" Conan was surprised.

"Ah, the so-called subordinates are peripheral members. But to put it bluntly, they are just toys of the formal members." I shook my head. "Subordinates are tools for formal members to manage trivial matters and vent their anger during their daily lives and after they return from missions. Most of them are girls. As for how to vent, I don't need to say more. Peripheral members like them are found from all over the world. To the organization, they are toys and tools. When they get tired of playing with them or break down, they can be thrown away. The reason why there are few defections in the organization is because there are many benefits for formal members."

"...Damn it. What do they think of human life!" Conan's voice was filled with anger. I could clearly see that his fists were shaking. Then he suddenly thought of something and said to me excitedly, "So...you also..."

"No, I'm an exception." I said calmly. "Because I lost my memory, I wasn't brainwashed, and I didn't become a puppet like other children. I did have a subordinate, and she was very kind to me, so I kept her by my side, and she stayed with me for ten years."

"Where is she now?"

"I helped her escape before I did. I don't know where she is now." I said nonsense seriously.

"Is that so... Well, I'm right. You have righteous blood in your body. You can remain uncontaminated even in such an environment." Conan forced a smile. "Really? But I don't think so." I glanced at Conan and then looked at the ceiling. "In the past, when I was challenged in the organization, I would just defeat the opponent and would never kill anyone because of their challenge, but later I found out that I was wrong."

"Eh?"

"Yes, I was wrong, completely wrong. I remember very clearly that twice in my life, because of this inexplicable thing called kindness, I almost made a big mistake that I would regret for the rest of my life." At this point, my eyes became cold. "In such a world, as many as seven billion people are playing their own games at will. Winning too much and losing too much will be punished. The winners use power to manipulate the law and enslave the lower ones. The losers can only watch themselves walk towards death step by step, without the so-called protection of the law. So after they, their relatives, and friends are hurt, they go to extremes. The upper class also died because of this. There is no rhythm to control, and there are no rules. The law is at best a means for the upper class to enslave the lower class. Such a world is basically a scumbag world!"

"Kaoru..." Conan frowned, as if he already knew what I was going to say next.

"So, after that, I secretly swore to myself that, apart from my family and friends, I would never easily show my gentleness and kindness to others. And those who try to hurt my family, I will make them pay a price they cannot afford!"

call!
As soon as he finished speaking, the bird outside the window instantly flew away from the woods surrounding the house and dived into the dark sky, disappearing without a trace.

"..."

"You should have understood what I said just now, right?" I turned my head to look at Conan who was sitting beside me with his head down and keeping silent.

"Oh, so I see. I understand." After a brief moment of silence, Conan lay down in his quilt as if relieved of a heavy burden.

"Huh?" I was a little surprised. Normally, Conan should have quarreled with me at this time, but how could he lie down so calmly? So I asked subconsciously. "What do you know?"

"Well, I understand. As expected, the Kaoru I know is still the same Kaoru." Conan said confidently.

"Huh?" This time it was my turn to be surprised. What I just said was obviously a warning and threat to Conan. Why did he say that?
"From the conversation just now, I got a lot of information. First, you participated in the organization's training after losing your memory, but you did not become a heartless puppet like the others. This proves that you still have your own sense of justice in your subconscious." Conan pointed a finger at me and said. "Second, you did not do anything excessive to your subordinates, which proves that you have the ability to be self-disciplined and keep your original intention." Conan continued. "Third, before you escaped, you helped your subordinates escape. This shows that you always know how to think about others."

"For others? Don't be ridiculous. I just..."

"Listen to me." Conan interrupted me. "One last point. In the few years that I have known you, I have always seen your care for Xiaolan. You have never let Xiaolan get hurt. Every time someone wants to bully Xiaolan in the park, you are always the first to rush out. And just now, when you mentioned that your family was hurt, I could feel that your murderous aura was full of hatred. You don't hate this world, but everything you come into contact with in this world. I guess in that organization, you should not only know your subordinates, but also others. They are your family members who have been with you for ten years." Conan fixed his eyes.

"...Go on." I smiled softly.

"It seems that I guessed right." Conan also smiled. "You just said that you almost did something that you regretted for the rest of your life twice. If I guessed correctly, it should be your family. Because of your mistakes, they were attacked or abused by other members of the organization, or... but you successfully stopped them, which is also a necessary prerequisite for you to keep your original intention. But you suffered a big blow because of this, so you began to treat everyone except your family coldly, right?"

“…” I didn’t say anything, but sat up and continued to listen to Conan’s story.

"Judging from the scars on your body just now, the battles you have experienced must have been extremely difficult. With so many injuries, I think your position in the organization must not be too low before you escaped." Conan thought, dragging his chin.

"Why is that?" I was puzzled. "It could also be that I was injured because of my lack of strength."

"No, I think that's impossible. If you are not strong enough, then according to what you said, you absolutely cannot help your men escape from that organization. I guess you used your position to secretly send your men out."

"How to say?"

"You escaped because you were being chased and had no way to retreat. If your strength was really insufficient, perhaps your subordinates would have... Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to offend." Conan's words were stuck in his mouth.

"Well, it's okay. I admit that my position in the organization is indeed not low." I rubbed my pale golden hair helplessly. I didn't expect that the lie I made up would get me into trouble. Fortunately, there are no flaws. What if it is exposed? Although Conan was only half right, I still didn't refute it. If he revealed something else, it would be difficult to deal with.

"So, throughout the past ten years, I am sure that your original intention has not changed. The profession of assassin has not corrupted your heart. You still know how to care for others and how to protect others. It's just that due to the environment you are in, the method you take is different from mine. But the essence is the same, isn't it?"

"..." I hesitated a little at this point, because these words reminded me of what Jingliu said before I tricked him into death. "Why are you so sure?" I couldn't help but ask Conan.

"Because after you regained your memory, you started thinking of ways to escape." Conan said calmly.

"Eh?"

"You just said it yourself. Your position in the organization is not low. After ten years of hard work, you have climbed to the top position. However, you escaped regardless of everything. This proves that you long to see your family, to leave that place of bondage, and to be free again!"

Conan's words shocked me completely. But before I could say anything, Conan continued. "Like you said, maybe this is all fate's arrangement. Fate made you lose your childhood and fall into darkness. And then ten years later, fate made you become an elementary school student again and stand in the sun. Experience life in the sun again."

"Kudo...you..."

"Although I don't know what you have been through in the past ten years, I still believe that you are still the same Xun that I knew. I am also sure that you, standing in the sunshine, will one day see the beautiful side of this world. And I will swear in my detective's name that I will lead you out of the darkness and face the light again!"

"... Hum, hum. Hahahaha." I couldn't help but laugh when I heard Conan's words. "Well... to be honest, I'm a little moved by your words." I said with a grin. "Okay, then I'll believe you and see how you can use your detective name to make me see the so-called light. But let me be frank, if I..."

"No!" Conan interrupted me. "I won't give you a chance to kill. I will do my best to kill all the evil in this world, and I will bet my honor as a detective and the life of Kudo Shinichi!"

"...Why?"

"Because of you, Maori Kaoru, you are my important partner!"

　I saw a reward of 5888 today, thanks to Mie Sui. I also thank Ziying Lanxi for a bunch of 588 rewards.

　　Here are 5,000 words. I hope you will continue to support me in the future. That’s all. Thank you.

　　
　
(End of this chapter)